Protect our women…No, teach our boys.

“Such a different experience we live.”

That was a comment made by a man in my life. It is one of the truest sentiments expressed to me by the opposite sex. Lately we’ve been seeing this question floating around social media, would you rather be stuck in the forest with a man or bear. Almost every woman I’ve seen answer this question said bear, and I agree. We know what to expect from a bear. We are certain of their natural behaviors. We aren’t sure of all men’s behaviors. Being a woman in a world where our male counterparts are lewd, creepy, violent, and brutal toward us is something we’ve grown accustomed to.

We learn to be cautious at night, don’t get into your car if there’s a panel van next to it. Don’t be rude to a man making unwanted comments he might get violent, learn self defense, and a barrage of other tips to just exist as a woman. But what I’ve never heard is society teaching men how to not harass us. Don’t follow a woman to her car, don’t beat her up because you believe you’re entitled to her attention. Don’t rape, abuse, kill women because you believe they’re disposable.  We have to ask ourselves as a society why are victims being taught how to not be a victim? Why aren’t the boys and men being taught that it is not ok to grab a woman when she’s walking by, or not make a woman feel uncomfortable when she’s simply living her life? Women live in a constant state of fear. No we aren’t all perpetually paranoid that harm will come our way, but we pay extra attention to the world around us.

We cross the street when we see a group of men gathered. We avoid streets without streetlights. A few of us have learned that screaming help doesn’t get attention outside, it’s better to scream fire. And for what? Because men are not taught that we are not their property. We are not placed on this earth for their desires or fantasies to be fulfilled on their whim. I’ve sat in my own car and been harassed. I’ve had a man stick his tongue between his fingers as he drove past me and I happened to make eye contact. Another man followed me out of a restaurant and to my car, and refused to stop leaning on my car till I took his number. I should’ve ran him over. Then several years later I went to the same restaurant, he did the exact same thing again. Obviously this is normal behavior for him.

Then there’s the victim blaming, which in itself is disconcerting. “She shouldn’t have been outside so late.” “She shouldn’t be jogging alone when it’s dark.” “Why did she talk to him if she didn’t know him.” There have been rape cases in media where the rapist got off easily because he “made one mistake and it shouldn’t ruin his life.” But that woman’s life will never be the same. She is forever scarred by that one instance and his “mistake” cost her something. Men need to do better, humanity needs to do better. Women don’t need to be protected, men need to be taught not to be predators. Women are not pretty little objects put on earth solely for men’s pleasure. So many of the men in society need to be taught no means no. They need to understand that although they view the behavior as fine or ok or normal, we are uncomfortable, fearful, and tired. This is by no means a man bashing article. I love men, I respect them. I think the majority are probably amazing human beings that should be celebrated. But it doesn’t change the day to day plight of women dealing with the unsavory characters masquerading as men.